Tuesday, February 12, 2008


I get a little weary of life sometimes. It seems that there is always a contstant nagging for something more; in my relationship with Jesus, in my marriage, with my family, in my friendships, etc. I know that I called it a nagging, but I mean that in the best way possible. And I grow weary not of life in general but the REAL need I have for genuine relationships, and the toll that takes on my spirit when I don't have them.

Jesus sets such a high standard in our lives of what a real, loving, caring, compassionate, giving, sacrificial relationship should look like. By NO MEANS am I hoping that my dear friends I have will be my Jesus, but I do think that I have high expectations in all of my relationships.

I often wonder if I do things to prevent those relationships from blossoming into something beautiful. Maybe bitterness, resentment, and hurts from my life have wounded my heart and made it hard to trust. I definitely have fears. I recently told a good friend that I'm always scared that if people REALLY knew me, if they REALLY did, then they would shy away and reject me. Is that a normal feeling? I hope so.

Back to expectations, I am proud to admit that mine are high. I need to know that the people closest to me are in it for the long haul. I somehow feel that I cheat my relationships if I don't tell them every part of me; the good, the bad, and the ugly. And I feel that when I hold back, people are missing the deepest and most important parts of me, that are crucial to a relationship.. The parts that make me precious to Jesus, and the parts that have shaped who I am. What I bring may be dirty, smelly, and not fit for a clean table, but at least it's ME.

I love clarity and transparency. My husband sees through me. He knows when I am over-reacting about something that is utterly meaningless, and when there is something deeper wrestling inside of me. He doesn't overreact as well, he squeezes the frustration and anger out of me with love until there is nothing left but humbleness and truth. What a sweet gift from Jesus. He gives me a glimpse of that genuine relationship I need in every area of my life.

Freedom from Fear. That's what people need. That's what relationships need. Really, what's the risk? People could tell someone else your dirt, but at the end of the day, it's Christ who died for it all. And He STILL loves us just the same, if not MORE. That's all I need; To have Freedom in Christ and NOT fear of people.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Vacationing with The Porters

Just another Adventure with the Porters

This picture is of Encinitas, California. We will be there in approximately 9 days! We are in desperate need of a vacation to just relax and be together. I love vacations where the only pressing things to do are 1) hang out together, 2) have fun together, and 3) relax together.
Adam and I like eachother way too much and it's hard to not see eachother very often. We are the type of people who get annoyed and fight when we are away from eachother. It's not very common, but we love being the exception. I am looking forward to laying on the beach, reading a good book, and not even thinking about the time.
Until then, we will wait anxiously and impatiently!
P.S. We are still on our "get of of debt in a year plan", and with that in mind I tried to be as thrifty as possible. I think that God was on my side since we got such a smokin' deal! Two plane tickets, 4 nights stay at a hotel on the beach, and a car for $360! Yay!
Song of Solomon 5: 10
"My beloved is dazzling and ruddy, Outstanding among ten thousand."

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

When it Rains

I guess that this blog would be considered "Adventures with the Porter's" like I promised previously. We didn't actually go anywhere or discover anything new, but it still fits.
Yesterday I was driving to the movies from work, and it had just rained ourside. As I was driving, I noticed that everything looked so clear. It looked like the world had been dusted off. I loved it! It made me think "that's what happens in life". Sometimes we go through rainy seasons in our life, but when the sun does come out, everything looks different.
I have been in that season for a few weeks now. Just rain. Sometimes it drizzles, and sometimes in pours. Last night, Adam and I were able to talk about all that we have been going through; personal struggles, defeats & victories, and wounds that have scabbed but still hurt. Needless to say, it was raining. When I woke up this morning though, the fog was gone, and everything looked clearer. It was wonderful.
Sometimes the rain is SO worth the sunshine that follows.