Stuff

Well, Adam decided to not take the job. It wasn't the pay raise that we expected :( But I do think that it was for the best either way. My husband is so good and he just wanted to be able to spend more time with me and that would definitely limit us, which is never good. He is the best!

On another note, I have been sort of intrigued with life lately. It is so interesting. It's crazy how so many people live their own seperate lives, and it's hard to think that each of them actually have thoughts and they aren't just robots walking around. (That may sound weird, but it's something I think about at least once a week). I love to people watch. One can gather so much about someone when you observe them for a few minutes. I guess what sticks out to me most of the time is how uncomfortable and insecure people seem to be. Meanwhile, trying to cover it up with perfect hair and make-up or trying to put on a persona of what they think is "cool" or "acceptable". When Christ saved me, I too was insecure and uncomfortable underneath my make-up, hair, and cute clothes. And thankfully he brought me out of the shallowness of life (although it is still a struggle). But when I lay down at night and my husband tells me that I am beautiful without my make-up on, my hair out of place, and a huge t-shirt on, it is so reassuring. All that "stuff" doesn't matter. It's all about the beauty of our hearts.

I have a joke with my friend. It's the contentious wife radar. When I feel like I am being difficult to live with and my husband would rather be on a rooftop or in the wilderness rather than be with me in our home, I believe that's considered to be a "contentious wife". And that is actually exactly what the bible says. That is so awesome...it's a a great description. My point in talking about this is that I could look beautiful, have my hair and make-up in place, have the house clean, and people could come over and I could look completely put together, but that is just an image. I believe that brokenness is the most beautiful thing. A story to go with that is this: Last night we had someone come over and our home was spotless, dinner was cooking, and the dogs were running around freshly groomed. This person came over and was telling us how nice our house was and how lucky we are. To most people that would be a compliment and would feel pretty good about themselves ( and most of the time we probably would think so) , but it left my husband and I both feeling weird. Adam looked at me and said," I wish that our house was dirtier". And we actually felt BAD that it was clean.

I don't want to be an image. I want to be REAL. I want to be a breath of fresh-air of brokenness. The truth is, right before that out house was a REAL mess. We had clothes everywhere, a ton of dishes, and stinky trash.

I think that this is how the christian faith looks sometimes. We are a broken mess but we clean up so we can look like we are "on top of things" and we have everything under control.

So, those were my thoughts of the day. To be a messy-broken-REAL person at all costs.