Thursday, June 4, 2009

Need to get out much?

Ya. I do. Definitely need some fresh air these days. I can't believe how overwhelmed I am. I'm actually pretty sad about it. Baby Blues you say? I don't think so. Just too many things on top of too many things in too short of a time period:

Laboring for hours & hours being 8 cm dilated
Pushing and giving birth to my baby
Hearing my midwife say I needed a lactation consultant right after she was born
Pains when I pee
Pains when I poop
Pains when I breastfeed
Pains when I pump
Feeling pain when I put diaper rash cream on my screaming baby & feeling like a bad mom for her having the rash in the first place
Lack of sleep
Lack of putting on make-up, doing my hair, and taking a shower
Lots & Lots of stretch marks
Family over, friends over, more family, more friends
Adam going back to work
Getting a breast infection
Worrying if my baby will get an infection too
Wishing I could just sit & stare at my baby instead of pumping
Having nightmares of huge waves that suck me in (I have had this dream the whole time I've been pregnant, but now I'm holding Ellie)
Watching my dogs, Adam, and Ellie sleeping soundly for a while now, while I sit & cry because I have to pump

Gosh. I sound so negative. Not trying to be. But I figure that I have this blog to be perfectly honest, and to be perfectly honest:

I Need to Get Out!


S. said...

aww, you're doing a great job! hang in there.

Danielle said...

I just want to say that I appreciate your honesty! So many moms blog about how wonderful life is after the baby is born and while I'm sure there are lots of good(I say this assuming, since I haven't actually had a kid myself), nothing is ever perfect. I like that you feel that you can be honest here. Feel free to vent and I am sure you're doing an awesome job :)

margaret said...

I'm sorry, Krystle! Will you be able to get out to the get-together at Karen's tomorrow? I hope this will be an encouragement... Ellie has awesome, loving parents, and she will NOT be affected by (or remember) diaper rash or the breastfeeding troubles or any of this when she is older... She will be a happy little girl who knows her mommy loves her more than anything!
Praying for ya!

Shannon said...

Aww you aren't negative, I love your honesty. You are so strong, and I know you are a great mommy! Love you girl!!

Jessica said...

Don't worry you are doing a great job! I know it's hard.. and it's okay to be negative every once in awhile. It somehow makes you feel better. :) You just said the truth!

thekirnancrib said...

oh girl. I wish we lived closer. we could get together and just complain and cry! it is even harder when you look at your little girl, your precious miracle, and feel guilty for feeling so negative... blah. I've been feeling really bad too lately, and I appreciate your bravery and honesty! I tend to not share when things are hard, I guess to not disrupt the illusion of everything being perfect and wonderful. praying for you :) xo

Mere Mortal said...

loving you. i'm here if you need me.
motherhood is about surrender, and you are doing your best at getting there. you are there, moment by moment.motherhood is about letting go of expectations.
motherhood is knowing you always have an abundance...of love, time, patience, money, courage, support...
motherhood is the mirror, held up so that we can see the deepest and truest parts of ourselves.
you are perfect.

Meghan said...

Hi there! I read your newer post too and I just want to say I send you my love. I also thank you because I love reading your blogs - you bring me joy and help me stay positive when things feel low. I appreciate that you are real because you make me feel like I am not alone. I miss you and this gives me a little incite into your life and I am just in amazement with all you have accomplished and the person you are. Please now that you are inspiring and it helps to know I am not the only one who has tough times. Your optimistic energy gets me through and gives me hope. ~Meghan