Jacob William Porter

Jacob went home to be with the Lord Friday night, September 11, 2009 around 10:30pm. Praise God for our hope of heaven. Praise God for the resoration & healing that heaven brings. Praise God for loving Jacob more than any of us could ever imagine. Praise God for 8 years of being around one of the sweetest, most unique little boys I have even been blessed to have such a close relationship with. Praise God for so many precious memories his life has left behind. Praise God that one day, we will see him again.

Thank you for your prayers. All of them were answered. Jacob is happy & healed as I write this.
Our God is good.

Late Night Thoughts

(I was looking for a picture of us to post...I stole this from a friends computer. They are both asleep and don't know that I stole it...Ha! Thanks Alexa!)

I'm back.

The me that gets all deep sometimes.

My mind is racing tonight, so I thought I might share some thoughts with you.

As I sit here and type this, Ellie and Adam are sleeping next to me. I'm typing on a friends computer, which feels weird since I just opened up a word document and wrote a few pages of some of my deepest, most secretive & real thoughts on just a minute ago. Something in my spirit was just in need of some good writers therapy.

I miss normal life.

I am so jealous of the people who don't have a little brother with a brain tumor. Who get to go to sleep at night knowing that things are safe & sound...not waiting around for a call to say that someone needs you to come just in case things take a turn for the worst.

I won't tell you all of my thoughts that I wrote down, as some are too selfish for the world to see, but this I will share...

When I was younger, I would ask the Lord to test me. I wanted to know how strong my faith really was. I wanted to know that in my darkest moments I would turn to Him. Well, some of them have come. I'm happy to say that I have still clung (is that the right tense? Ha!) to Him through this situation (definitely not all of them). If there is no hope of Heaven and restoration, then there is no hope at all. But man. Why ask for such tests? It's silly really. We live in such a broken world. We should expect heartache around every corner. But for some reason, when it comes, we act surprised.

Tonight, I'm praying, thinking, & meditating about hope for Jacob. I want restoration . As I type these next words, know that my fingers hurt & my stomach aches for how badly I want this...I want to see Jacob run again. I want to walk in the door & have him greet me himself with his big smile, I want to see him play his legos, and beg us to play games with him-and this time, I never want to refuse. I want him to give me a hug voluntarily, and kiss my hand like he use to. I want to see him watch himself in the tv while it's off (we called it "The Jacob Show"). I want to see what kind of uncle he will be to little Ellie. I want him to meet our other children when they come. Most of all, I want him to be really alive again. Happy.Well.

Tonight I'm still praying for our miracle. Would you please pray with me?

I could keep writing forever, since I'm not tired, but I won't.

Love, Krystle

P.S. We are headed off to go camping tomorrow! We need this time to sort of re-coop and get some much needed energy to come back and be able to be the best help we can. If I could ask for another prayer request, it would be that Jacob would be okay while we are gone. Thanks everone :)

Pictures!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ellie Grace Porter

3 Months & 1 Day.

Happy.

Beautiful.

Lovely.

Sweet.

Precious.

I love you baby girl.

- Mommy

Hello Out There!

Sorry to leave you with the last post and then NEVER update! Things included/not-included in this post:

1) Jacob
2) Ellie
3) Breastfeeding
4) Lack of new pictures! Ugh...I haven't been home too much and my mom doesn't have any good ones! Dangit!

Jacob

Since we found out a little over a month ago, Jacob has been doing fairly well. Adam's parents decided to do a naturopathic treatment on Jacob and it seems to be taking. Most of his days are spent in bed since he isn't up to running around, so most days Adam and I are over there just hanging out, playing games, and watching re-runs of Gilligans Island! I forgot how funny that show was :) We are hoping to get another MRI done sometime in the near future to see if the tumor has shrunk any. Supposidly (spelling?) the stuff that he is on should be able to reduce the tumor after 6 weeks of using it...so please pray that his body will respond to this treatment! We have people asking all the time about ways that they can help. Adam and I have decided to be very frank about that. It feels weird to do, but right now it seems totally necessary. Adam and I have opened an account for his family to recieve anonymous donations. We are basically trying to raise enough money so that his parents can get by for a few months and solely focus on getting Jacob in a better state and develop and solid routine. If anyone is interested, feel free to send me an email :) Other than that, we feel encouraged. The Lord is definitely among us, guiding us through, keeping us sane (to the best of our abilities anyways) and has been so gracious by showing us small signs of healing already. Praise God. But WAY MORE than money, we would be so thankful for your prayers. We know we have the great Healer on our side, and that he can make miracles. And since He can do that, we are asking for it.

Ellie

Oh my sweet precious girl. Words can't even describe the joy she brings to my life. I am glad to report that little miss is sleeping through the night! Well, she has been for a while now...about 4 weeks! People always come up to me and say "You must be SO tired" ( do I look it or something?!) and it's so cool to say that I'm actually really well rested! She isn't a crier...only if she is hungry or tired, and those things are easy to fix. All in all, we have a awesome little girl! And as soon as I possibly can I will upload some pictures!

P.S. Since Ellie is such a good baby, Adam and I are ready for our next one...I mean REALLY ready...as in we are not preventing it from happening......Whoo-hoo!!!!!

Breastfeeding

Bloody breastfeeding. You were NOT my friend- in fact my enemy for a long while. You cost me 2 ENTIRE months of 7 breast infections...but I was determined and SO glad to say that I won the war!!! About a month ago Ellie started breastfeeding like she'd been doing it her whole life. Little stinker. But boy is life a million times easier now! No feeding , then pumping, then feeding, then pumping....half of my day has been given back to me. It's awesome. Now I'm just hoping that my milk stays in...

So there you have it friends, my life, in a TINY nutshell. I haven't been able to even touch on emotion...you know I like to that...but it will come. Thank you for your prayers and hopefully I will be blogging MUCH MORE frequently in days to come!

By the way, did anyone see Julie & Julia and think it was as AMAZING as I did?! I was inspired to go through a cookbook myself after that!

Love, Krystle

Bring the Rain

It's been a while again. There is so much to say, but today I'm going to keep it short & sweet in light of the circumstances. Adam and I have been through a really rough & terrible week. On Tuesday night we found out that his 8 year old brother has an in-operable brain tumor. I don't think it has all settled in yet, but we know that our hearts are heavy and burdened. We still remain completely hopeful though. We have a great Healer on our side. Jesus. And I am confident that He is completely in control and will guide us through this storm.

All this to say, we humbly ask for prayer. Prayers for healing for little Jacob, comfort for all of us, patience to get through the good days and bad days, and most of all that our God would be glorified through this situation. This is not the world He intended for us- it is broken & sick- and right now we are longing for the restoration and hope that heaven brings.

Adam and I are also moving to be closer to the family this upcoming weekend. It's a REALLY hard transition for us. We're moving away from our church family and the part of Phoenix that we love and have lived in since we've been married. It's all happening so fast, so I won't be around too often in the next few days. But these are the times I need my blogging family! So, I will be sharing my thoughts and updates often.

Thanks for your prayers.
Love, Krystle

P.S. The title of my post is "Bring the Rain". It's a song my MercyMe that is really comforting to me right now. Check it out :)

WHEW!!------1 Month Already?!

I have been a total blog-slacker. I give myself all the grace in the world though :) This past month has been FULL of ups & downs. More ups than downs, so that's good news! It's been a rough but awesome transition into mommy-hood. Ellie is nothing short of AMAZING. So cute, so fun, & already developing a little personality. Breastfeeding is nowhere to be found...I am pumping and doing the bottle...she will have NOTHING to do with my twins unfortunately. But that's ok...she's getting the good stuff, and that's all that counts :)

Right now I'm having a much needed break. Listening to some John Mayer, catching up on other blogs, and I may, I repeat, I MAY even be able to take a shower! Cross your fingers...my poor husband has to deal with stinky me all the time! Ha ha! Crazy how priorities change.

Here is our past month in pictures...ENJOY!

Our first day out...sorry for the blurry picture!
Week 2

Mommy, Daddy, & Ellie out for dinner & shopping!

Mom & Dad still feeling the LOVE....Lots of it!!

Daddy & Ellie sharing some smooches :)

1 Month Old! Family Pic

Ellie-1 Month Old- Rockin' her Birthday Suit!!

How cute is that face?! Seriously...she kills me.

Little Sleeper...

All washed and relaxed...

Love, Krystle

Nothing Compares

Nothing compares to the Greatness of knowing Jesus.

I have blogged about this statement before, but it is something that runs deep in my blood. Jesus saved me from a distructive life, and gave me a hope in Him and in life. I am so thankful. I have reflected on my past few blogs. I will say that I know that I am very open & honest. I like it that way. Life isn't always peachy, and we can't pretend. It doesn't help anyone...and most of all, it makes us loose ourselves. With that being said...

I can't let my circumstances dictate how I will be from one day to the next. God put me on this earth for a purpose. Right now, my purpose & mission is to raise up my child in the way she should go. It's also to maintain a steadfast love for my Savior that doesn't waiver. All the things below in my last post still stand, but today I have decided that I need a new perspective.

It's ok to be down. It's ok to throw pitty parties for yourself every once in a while. It's ok to wish that your circumstances were different. But it's NOT ok to forget to depend on the Lord for strength to get through the day...and to do it with JOY. Not forgetting that we live here on this earth not to be satisfied & content. We are to feel like aliens. Never comfortable.

For me, being a parent has not been "comfortable" so far. So, according to my God, I'm in the right place. Feelings of inadequacy and insecurities are to be expected. I can't let it overtake me though. I don't believe that it's honoring to the Lord to wallow in my circumstances for too long. So, right now, today, I'm changing paths. This is not to say that each day won't be hard still. It's not to say that I'm going to wake up tomorrow and feel great. But I am saying that I am going to CHOOSE to live each day for Lord. Whatever that looks like each day- on my knees, with my hands raised in worship, with tears of joy overflowing, with small prayers throughout my entire day, or one long-whole hearted prayer at night spilling myself out to Him.

Because at the end of the day, all that matters is that I remembered that NOTHING compares to Him. A perfect day, a perfect baby, no breastfeeding problems, no mastitis, or a full nights sleep won't make me satisfied (well, maybe for a little while!). It's only HIM that will fill me up.