Relationships

I get a little weary of life sometimes. It seems that there is always a contstant nagging for something more; in my relationship with Jesus, in my marriage, with my family, in my friendships, etc. I know that I called it a nagging, but I mean that in the best way possible. And I grow weary not of life in general but the REAL need I have for genuine relationships, and the toll that takes on my spirit when I don't have them.

Jesus sets such a high standard in our lives of what a real, loving, caring, compassionate, giving, sacrificial relationship should look like. By NO MEANS am I hoping that my dear friends I have will be my Jesus, but I do think that I have high expectations in all of my relationships.

I often wonder if I do things to prevent those relationships from blossoming into something beautiful. Maybe bitterness, resentment, and hurts from my life have wounded my heart and made it hard to trust. I definitely have fears. I recently told a good friend that I'm always scared that if people REALLY knew me, if they REALLY did, then they would shy away and reject me. Is that a normal feeling? I hope so.

Back to expectations, I am proud to admit that mine are high. I need to know that the people closest to me are in it for the long haul. I somehow feel that I cheat my relationships if I don't tell them every part of me; the good, the bad, and the ugly. And I feel that when I hold back, people are missing the deepest and most important parts of me, that are crucial to a relationship.. The parts that make me precious to Jesus, and the parts that have shaped who I am. What I bring may be dirty, smelly, and not fit for a clean table, but at least it's ME.

I love clarity and transparency. My husband sees through me. He knows when I am over-reacting about something that is utterly meaningless, and when there is something deeper wrestling inside of me. He doesn't overreact as well, he squeezes the frustration and anger out of me with love until there is nothing left but humbleness and truth. What a sweet gift from Jesus. He gives me a glimpse of that genuine relationship I need in every area of my life.

Freedom from Fear. That's what people need. That's what relationships need. Really, what's the risk? People could tell someone else your dirt, but at the end of the day, it's Christ who died for it all. And He STILL loves us just the same, if not MORE. That's all I need; To have Freedom in Christ and NOT fear of people.

Vacationing with The Porters

Just another Adventure with the Porters

This picture is of Encinitas, California. We will be there in approximately 9 days! We are in desperate need of a vacation to just relax and be together. I love vacations where the only pressing things to do are 1) hang out together, 2) have fun together, and 3) relax together.

Adam and I like eachother way too much and it's hard to not see eachother very often. We are the type of people who get annoyed and fight when we are away from eachother. It's not very common, but we love being the exception. I am looking forward to laying on the beach, reading a good book, and not even thinking about the time.

Until then, we will wait anxiously and impatiently!

P.S. We are still on our "get of of debt in a year plan", and with that in mind I tried to be as thrifty as possible. I think that God was on my side since we got such a smokin' deal! Two plane tickets, 4 nights stay at a hotel on the beach, and a car for $360! Yay!

Song of Solomon 5: 10

"My beloved is dazzling and ruddy, Outstanding among ten thousand."

When it Rains

I guess that this blog would be considered "Adventures with the Porter's" like I promised previously. We didn't actually go anywhere or discover anything new, but it still fits.

Yesterday I was driving to the movies from work, and it had just rained ourside. As I was driving, I noticed that everything looked so clear. It looked like the world had been dusted off. I loved it! It made me think "that's what happens in life". Sometimes we go through rainy seasons in our life, but when the sun does come out, everything looks different.

I have been in that season for a few weeks now. Just rain. Sometimes it drizzles, and sometimes in pours. Last night, Adam and I were able to talk about all that we have been going through; personal struggles, defeats & victories, and wounds that have scabbed but still hurt. Needless to say, it was raining. When I woke up this morning though, the fog was gone, and everything looked clearer. It was wonderful.

Sometimes the rain is SO worth the sunshine that follows.

The Porter's?

I just realized that my blog name is "Adventures with the Porters" , but I only blog about one of the Porters. Myself! So for the next few blogs I will actually blog about our adventures together :) I will be loading some pictures of Adam's little bro's birthday soon, and that is an adventure right?! Turning 7 years old is a pretty big deal!

Some Inspiration

I can't believe it's been a month since I have written anything! I have definitely been uninspired lately.

Thankfully, music gets me going and inspires me to be contemplative. I have thought a lot about Jesus for the last few weeks. He is constantly molding me and helping me to see Him in His true light. It's hard to try and figure out who He really is sometimes. There are so many distractions, deceptions, and lies out in the world about who He really is and how He really thinks of us. I'm glad to finally be able to recognize the truth.



Philippians 3:7-8

" But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all this to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord."



To Know Him is to Love Him. My search of knowing God has been rough. I have had to do whatever means possible to get rid of legalism, self-righteousness, and good works as a way of becoming "pleasing" to God. My most precious times with Jesus have been when I have laid it all out on the table and have been honest and vulnerable. When all the 'stuff' gets out of the way, and God just sees me. Plain old me. No people around, no music, no noise, and no busyness to fill the spaces that seperate me from Him. It's amazing to me that He wants to know our heart, not our wordy prayers that we spout out in desperation, or when we just feel like we are doing so well in life that we need to say thank you. But the everyday heart stuff that keeps a REAL relationship working. The way I feel, what I think, what I fear, what I'm happy about, what I'm sad about, when I'm frustrated, angry, jealous, excited, or just random thoughts during the day. And i'm glad that this is the God I know. Not an impersonal one who is out there in the heavens somewhere.



And I guess that's the reason why I am away from Him sometimes. I know that he wants the REAL me and nothing less. And that can be scary. We spend our whole lives distancing ourselves from certain people, putting up boundaries, walls, opening up a few windows or cracks in the door to our hearts but never giving an open door with the welcome mat outside and all the windows open with the breeze flowing through. We have dusty, cold, dark corners of our rooms that we like to make sure no one sees. And yet, that is what Jesus loves. He wants to bring those areas to light, dust them off, and put new furniture in. And that my friends, is scary.



But I'm back where I started. To know Him is to love Him. I'm happy that He wants to know the real me. It's comforting. He wants the beauty that's on the inside to become radiant on the outside, and He wants to do that so that I can be a light and comfort to others as well. What an awesome purpose for my life.



Matthew 5:14-16

" You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do men light a lamp, and put it under the peck-measure, but on the lampstand; and it gives light to all that are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven."

New Year Resolutions

I have never really "officially" made any new years resolutions. So, we will see how I follow through. But here they are:

1) Here is the one that is most famous that i'm pretty sure everyone has on their list...lose 10 pounds! And do it the healthy way...eating good food and exercise.

2) Do a class at my church called Mending the Soul. I have felt like I have needed to take this class for a long while now, and I think it's time.

3) Go on at least 4 vacations (big or small) with my husband.

4) Find a new ministry. Since Adam and I aren't doing youth ministry anymore, we are looking for something new that we can latch on to. Food for the Hungry? We'll see :)

5) Spend more consistent time with my family. Have regular nights that we have dinner, or lunch, or whatever with both of our families. It's really important to us, but it doesn't happen as often as we'd like.

6) I would really like to learn how to play an instrument this year. Possibly the guitar or piano? I love to sing, so it would be awesome to be able to actually make music both ways.

7) I want to be very disciplined also. In my school and my personal life, as well as my walk with God. That was a lot of my problem this last year.

8) Take a few dance classes just for fun. I feel like there are a ton of things that I love that I don't do like this because I just don't take the time.

Well, there they are. All 8 of them. They aren't that exciting to read, but the thought of actually doing them sounds soooo good. Maybe as I go through my year and do some of them (my fingers are crossed) then I will let all of you know how they go :) And that will be inspiration for me to do them. Happy New Years Resolutions to all of you and I wish you all mucho success!

Pictures

Ok, so I decided to put a few pictures I promised before. I am terrible at taking/uploading pictures so this is as good as it is gonna get! This is our room at our new apartment, ...we love it because it's very simple. The other picture is us at my parents house with my little brother Austin. Sorry it's kinda foggy.

Oh, by the way, my New Year's party was soooo much fun :) It was my best one yet! And I stayed up until 4:00am!!! I can't even remember the last time I did that. It was awesome!

Well, I will stay faithful to my comment before about my new years resolutions...it will be the next blog....peace out!