This may be a weird post. I have it all laid out in my head perfectly, but what comes out may be jumbles of randomness. So, just try to follow along.
I have a prayer request. But as I was about to put in on my blog, I wondered why I was doing it. I'll start off by just saying what it is though:
Tomorrow I have an ultrasound that will tell me if my placenta has moved up or not. I'm a bit nervous about it because if it hasn't moved up, then that means that I may not be able to use my midwife and do a home-birth. Which would totally suck. And it means that I could have a more complicated pregnancy... So, there it is.
With that being said, how in the world does prayer work? (Bear in mind, I will be answering some of my questions as I go along.) I know that God calls us to pray to him and communicate with him without ceasing. However, it just seems really confusing. If I pray about it tonight, really hard, that my placenta will move up, will it? Or is it just going to be one way or the other regardless of my prayers? (I feel like a bad christian for saying all this, but come on, sometimes things just blow your mind, and this is one of those things for me.) How will I ever know if God really did "answer" my prayer, or if that was just something that was already gonna happen anyways? I guess that if my placenta does move up, I can always just look at it as an answered prayer, but what drives me crazy is that i'll never know! Here are some things that I know:
1) God is a miracle worker- He makes things happen that don't make any sense. That's amazing. Does that happen through prayer? Definitely.
2) God is completely good. He can't be anything else. His will is perfect for my life.
3) God is so incredibly cool, that He makes us think of things like this to blow our minds, and then turn to just trusting that when He tells us to pray, it really is worth our while.
4) When we don't pray about things, how can we see God moving in our lives? When he does "answer a prayer"- or so we think- It makes us love him more and trust Him more.
Unfortunately, I have no conclusions. I leave in the same state as I came...Confused. But, I will cling to the things that I know, and trust that God tells us to do things because they matter.
Anyways, will you guys pray for me??....and for my placenta? :) That would be great.
I will let you all know how it turns out very soon. My appointment is at 11:00am tomorrow. You guys rock!
Love, Krystle
3 comments:
I will definitely say a prayer for you and your placenta :)! Please let me know how your appointment goes. God does answer prayers even when we don't understand how or know when he is doing this. It is quite confusing at times for me as well. Your are definitely not the only one that has thought this.
My thoughts will be on you and your daughter tomorrow!
I am here if you need anything!
praying praying praying!!! I love this post. your honesty is so encouraging to me... thank you for making me feel not alone in this! It's all confusing enough, but then throw pregnancy and all its emotions and anxieties. it's overwhelming! please update us as soon as possible (text!!)! :) xoxo
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